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Found 5 results

  1. A little story to get you ready for the holidays! Little Billy was praying on his bedside, "Oh lord, please let Christmas be early this year, please let it be early." Then all of a sudden, Little Billies dog, Toto came running in barking. "Oh TOTO You're back! I Missed you sooo much" said little billy. "Shut the hell up Billy, I am not Toto"- said Toto "Oh well golly Toto you sure are grumpy.." said little billy "I'm an elf, clearly an elf Billy, how can you not see this?" said Toto, who was actually an elf. " No you're my Toto, Toto." said little billy. "Okay fine, I am your 'Toto' but Billy, you have to come with me quickly! You need to help me.." said Toto, who was actually an elf named Ralph. Before I continue on, here is a little backstory on Ralph. Ralph grew up on the south side of Santa's Kingdom in the Arctic up North. Santa Claus was no jolly being either, he was a mean, fat dictator, who killed elves on his own time. (1950's man laugh) Haha well we can't worry about him right now. Now as I was saying, Ralph was a young elf, forced to come to find the dumbfounded little billy. Ralph was a single elf, never to have a wife because he was a ****. Ralph was a **** okay? He ruined the life and dreams of young children all over the world in 1929 because he crashed the stock market and shot Arch Duke F. to start WW1, this guy is a bad elf. Anywho, let us continue on with Billie and Ralph. "Why should I help you Toto?" said little Billy in a fuss "Because I'll rip off your %$2% if you don't help me....Fair enough?" Said Ralph "What does %#$% mean?" Said little billie "We don't have time for this, ask your mom or teacher in school" Said Ralph "Okay Toto, I'll help you, what do you need me to do?" "To Spread the word Billie" Said Ralph "What do you mean Toto?" Asked Little billie curiously "You must spread the word of christmas cheer to all, or I'll rip your #$@% off" said Ralph "Is that your solution to everything?" said Little Billie "Just do It!" Said Ralph. With that, Ralph climbed out of Billies window and flew away. The next day, Billie went to school and told everyone about Christmas, and how it was coming, and then he asked his Teacher what $%#* meant. The End. The moral of the story is, THE SKELETON WAR IS OVER, CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!! SPREAD THE WORD!
  2. Look into those eyes. They're the eyes of a man who has been deceived. They're the eyes of a man who has been conned out of £450 ($734 USD). They're the eyes of a man who read the word "photo" and decided that meant "not a photo". It's a tale of heartbreak, as reported in the Nottingham Post. 19-year-old Peter Clatworthy thought he was buying an Xbox One but instead he was buying a photo of one. "It said 'photo' and I was in two minds," Peter told the paper, "but I looked at the description and the fact it was in the right category made me think it was genuine." We think we can see where he went wrong. As if the con wasn't bad enough, the crooked eBay seller even trolled their victim: "They'd written on the back of it 'thank you for your purchase'," Peter said. "I was fuming." Joking aside, we hope the evil man responsible for this is given the karmic equivalent of a swift kick in the plums, because nobody should be pulling this stunt so close to Christmas. As for Peter, it's good news (otherwise we wouldn't have been quite so sarcastic earlier) - eBay is going to insist the seller gives Peter a full refund by Monday. "I've had to make a joke out of it because I was that angry," he concluded. "At least we've now got something to laugh about in the years to come." That's probably a mature way of looking at it. Had it been us, we'd have sent the crook a badly-printed photo of a prison cell. <via CVG & Nottingham Post>
  3. 343, what are you doing to assist in server lag or game functions (AS THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE)? my NAT is open, and when it says "Moderate" i simply dont play until ive corrected MY connection for live. You arer all a joke of hosts. I have no such issues on any other halo matchmaking but H4 and it seems over the years you've completely blown off the community asking for you to address these issues on YOUR SERVERS. I seriously just played a game with such bad lag that i attacked multiple people with the sword in a 4v4 game AND NONE OF THEM TOOK DAMAGE OR EVEN DIED; but dont worry, they killed me just fkn fine. WTF? this is not the only instance, yesterday i watched the roster for the match i was in but was unable to spawn in the match YOUR roster said i was in?! no really i enjoy this unreliability. Ive gone thru spurts playiing H4, taking breaks because i was disgusted by the crap you fail to address in game connections during mm. Screen out poor connections, optimize servers, add servers, idfc what you do but this is serious messed up for those who TRY to get in H4 online gameplay and cant sustain a decent game because kills dont register, attacks deal no damage, or (on the rare occasion they do register) i die regardless bc the opponant has had enough time to figure out theyre temporarily immune to ALL weapons/damage and they can unload what they wish and still kill me in a chance they shouldnt have had. Flood? HA! i cant even tell you how many times i cant select my loadout, or when i do, you choose to give me one i specifically didnt select. You reset my points (im honestly SHOCKED you didnt reset my rank too), and everything ive earned up to mastery fo building armor or loadouts, and yet you cannot address connectivity for the live community? What exactly are you doing at 343???? Making new pretty armor and maps (that i cant use as i want because you screw up 90% of the games i attempt to play)? Really, id love to know how you address ANY complaints (if you even do) and what your priority is for fixing online gameplay. Really, give the game back to bungie and go home. Stop trying to improve what youve made worse and refuse to correct out of sheer inconsiderate laziness. I assume im not alone in these complaints, but not that that matters, 343, you'll still fail to correct anything you couldnt do so properly in the first place.
  4. Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did. Leroy's mother, being a religious woman, wanted Leroy to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. Letter #1: "Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Leroy" Leroy knew that wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year so he tore up the letter and started over. Letter #2: "Dear God, I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Leroy" Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. So he wrote a third letter. Letter #3: God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Leroy" Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked as Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner", Leroy's mother told him. Leroy walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Leroy went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Leroy bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Leroy began to write yet another letter to God. Letter #4: "God, I've got your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike! Signed, YOU KNOW WHO"
  5. The title says it all. But I'll say it again. What's your all time favourite Halo CE quote? I'll start off with a few: I woulda been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence! Wort wort wort! (It's funny to me) The Corp issued me a rifle, not wings! Halo. It's finished. No, I think we're just getting started.
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