Yoshi1176 Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Hey guys, just wondering if you could proofread this essay for school. This essay is a make or break for my grade and I want to make sure I did not miss anything. The essay is about who is the most at fault for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. When you read this keep this in mind, this is freshman work. Please point out any problems. Thanks Edited February 26, 2014 by Yoshi1176 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vitamin Pwn Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) now i'm gonna admit that im not the best when it comes to writing, but to me this looks good. you made a good case for your points and i was able to understand it easily, which is always good lol Edited February 26, 2014 by Vitamin PWN 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sikslik7 Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 How long does this paper have to be? I will send you a PM with my edits and why 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Stig Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 I am sorry dude, but I am afraid that I can't rate your work, because I'm your friend, so I think I might side with you and not your teacher even if you fail. I would say its perfect even if your teacher disagrees, and that's not helping anybody. I I should have been able to help tell you if there were mistakes so you could fix them, but instead I thought about your feelings... If I were to judge it, I would need to distance myself from everything, and act as if it was written by a stranger... That's the only way I could accurately rate your essay and give you a proper score. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Is not JL Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 I would say, use more quotations and analyze some of the literary devices. Also, I would have to say that while you give clear and concise points, you probably could have given more of them. I remember doing something similar in an analysis of just Friar Lawrence, and I wrote a lot more than what you did, although, again, you are a Freshman (Although that term is honestly useless here considering we aren't in your school and thus have no idea what that term defines). Another point I may raise is your assumptions of 'logical actions' would fix things. Yes, at some points in the story they would but everything is different. Put yourself in Friar Lawrence's shoes - You've just commited a crime, lied massively, and you hear the authorities coming. Fear of what the Prince will do and what his parishioners will do washes over him immediately and he runs. He's helpful and believes in peace but in the end he's still a bit selfish and wussy. Throughout the story, EVERYBODY is at fault. Make sure you convey that point, as well as the fact that you are trying to find out who the biggest two factors have been. Some tip on improving it would be use pee. Point - Concisely write down what you are trying to say, what your point is. Evidence - Quote. It's fine to use multiple. Explain - Analyse the quote, explain how it relates to the point, as well as give information surrounding the point itself. How long does this paper need to be? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoshi1176 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks everyone for the help. I appreciate it a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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