agent sensi foo Posted August 20, 2011 Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 i made this topic so people can post jokes they know. i know a few, but i want someone else to start because im not sure if i'd get reported..... so someone else start off since im new, and i want to see what is aceptable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vore Posted August 20, 2011 Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 Do you like Chuck Norris jokes? One of favorite ones is this: Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. Or this: Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectral Jester Posted August 20, 2011 Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 Man walks into a bar.... Ouch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vitamin Pwn Posted August 20, 2011 Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 whats the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? anyone can chop beef but no one can pee soup Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xUnH0Ly xKiLLeR Posted August 20, 2011 Report Share Posted August 20, 2011 Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinite LuLz Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 Yo mama so fat: Her belt size is: HALO Yo mama so fat: she`ll never be finished Yo mama so ugly: Slip-space was invented to get as far away from her as possible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 What is the Oprah Winfrey virus? Your 250GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 90GB, and then slowly expands to 500GB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Machinga Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 a blonde is watching a football game, everyone yells GET THE QUARTER BACK GET THE QUARTER BACK, she says what? its just a stupid quarter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Machinga Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectral Jester Posted August 21, 2011 Report Share Posted August 21, 2011 How did the makeup lady get pregnant? Max Factor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vitamin Pwn Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Once a captain on his ship was disturbed by his assistant telling him, "Sir! Sir! There are 5 enemy ships on the horizon." The captain tells the man," Get my red coat and prepare for battle!" The assistant runs without question to get the captains red coat and prepares for battle. After their victory the assistant asks the captain why he wanted his red coat. The captain tells the assistant "If I was shot you would not be able to tell I'm bleeding and you would keep fighting." The assistant thought this was a great idea. The next day the assistant came to the captain, "Sir! Sir! There are twenty enemy ships on the horizon!" The captain was stunned. He looked at the assistant and told him "Get me my brown pants!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Silverado Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Ford: Found On Road Dead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent sensi foo Posted August 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 a motorcyclist hits a female pedestrian. Who's fault is it? - the motorcyclist,he shouldn't have been riding through the kitchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vitamin Pwn Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Black OPs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrunkPonyMaster Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 there are three guys on a boat, an american,a polock, and a mexican. each is going to throw something off the boat that they have to many of in their country. when its the americans turn he throws the mexican off the boat and says "we have to many of these in our country." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zed The Evil Taco Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 A guy finds a magic lamp, and naturally rubs it. A genie pops out and says: "I will grant you three wishes." "Any three wishes?" Naturally he gives the same rules as the Aladin genie. So the guy says: "I wish for a car. How bout a 69 Mustang." POOF! A 69 Mustang pops out of no where. "AWESOME! Okay, wish two, I want the radio in the car to play any song I want when I want it to." POOF! New radio. So the guy says: "Hop in Genie, we're gonna go for a ride." They proceed to drive through downtown, and the guy is singing along to his faovrite songs, songs like Living on a Prayer, or Any Way You Want It. Then his favorite song from when he was a kid comes on. When ever he heard this song he would sing as loud as he could, so even the neighbors could hear. "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener," POOF! And Joke 2 A guy walks into a corner diner, and an ostrich follows him in. He sits down at a table, and the ostrich sits across from him. The waitress walks over, and this conversation begins: Waitress: What'll you have sir? Man: I'll have the chef's special. Ostrich: The same. The waitress walks off, comes back with the specials, and says: That'll be $22.50. The man reaches into his pocket, and pulls out EXACTLY $22.50. This goes on for the next few days, and finally Sunday rolls around. The man and ostrich walk in and take their usual seats, and the waitress comes over. This is the conversation: Waitress: The usual, sir? Man: No, today is Sunday. I think I'm going to have something bigger. Tell the chef to cook everything, and feed me with that. Ostrich: The same. So the waitress walks off, and for the next 7 hours, keeps bringing him meals, even though he only samples them. Finally she says: That'll be $1,236.47. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out EXACTLY $1,236.47. Waitress: Okay, you've been able to pull out the exact amount of change all week. How? Man: Well, earlier this week I found a magic lamp up in my attic. I rubbed it, and a genie popped out and said "I will grant you two wishes." So my first wish was to be able to stick my hand in my pocket and always pull out the exact amount of change. Waitress: Wow. What a great wish! I never would have thought of that... So, you said two wishes, what was the other wish? Man: The other wish was for a tall chick with long legs and a big butt that always agreed with everything I said. P.S. I would like to note that that genie gets around, and like to mess with people... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vore Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Ford: Found On Road Dead Ford: First On Race Day Chevrolet: Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donut Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Ford: First On Race Day Chevrolet: Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques NO! NO! NO! MY CHEVY NEVER BROKE DOWN or RECALLED! CHEVY WINS! THINK FORD LAST! DONT MAKE FUN OF CHEVYS! CHEVY CAMERO vs FORD MUSTANG! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zed The Evil Taco Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 NO! NO! NO! MY CHEVY NEVER BROKE DOWN or RECALLED! CHEVY WINS! THINK FORD LAST! DONT MAKE FUN OF CHEVYS! CHEVY CAMERO vs FORD MUSTANG! Dude, calm down. It's a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Silverado Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Ford: First On Race Day Toyota: Constantly having every vehicle recalled over lousy engineering techniques. Fix'd Also Ford lost alot of races against chevys recently .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EG7wc_-X0E&feature=player_detailpage#t=167s Anyway OT: A troll walks in Bungie.net ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Silverado Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Dude, calm down. It's a joke. I think he was joking with vore. It was funny either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent sensi foo Posted August 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 what's the difference between a boy scout and a jew - Boy scouts come back from camp- not to offend anyone, just a joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donut Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Dude, calm down. It's a joke. i know, but I just dont like when people make fun of chevy's..... I lose it sometimes lol... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent sensi foo Posted August 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 i know, but I just dont like when people make fun of chevy's..... I lose it sometimes lol... lol...... so im guessing u have a chevy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Silverado Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 i know, but I just dont like when people make fun of chevy's..... I lose it sometimes lol... It is just a friendly compitition... we are all truckers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.