John-117 Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 Hey guys, I am currently in the process of writing a beginning to what could likely become my first novel. Before I take it to that phase, I would like you all to read what I have so far. So without further ado, The Hero: He came riding up on his Stallion from the back with an army of orcs chasing quickly behind him. He was almost up the mountain where the gates of Heaven sat. All of the sudden he felt a flaming pain from his right shoulder. He started to give out and slowly his eyes went into darkness. He then saw a memory play out; he was in the castle garden of the kingdom Penance. He saw a woman under an archway; she was wearing a jewel encrusted dress. The it phased out into a Ballroom where there was a jolly party happening. There were people singing, dancing, and doing many other types of entertainment. That’s is when it all happened, the Shadow Lords came bursting through the main entrance. The Shadow Lords with their infantry start yelling curses on the Kingdom and then started to kill the towns people. That is when a mysterious man came up and started to defend the Princess but, he was unsuccessful. They started to slowly start carrying her out of the ballroom but, that’s when the mysterious man ran up behind them and was able to grab the Princesses necklace. Back awake after being shot by an arrow if not multiple, the man woke up bound in chains. He seemed to be in an underground cavern. He started to gain back all of his senses but that is when he says to big eyes appear out of the darkness that sat before him. He heard from what seemed to be the leader of this colony of orcs shouts that he was to face this bloody dragon or die trying. They threw down the man’s weapons he had been carrying with him. His site suddenly became less blurry and he got a direct view of the dragon. It was one of the most powerful dragons throughout the land, the dragons name was Aragog. That was when the man jumped feet first into Hell. He grabbed his sword, two daggers, and a bow arrow with the rest of his quill. He held the arrow in his hand and then started shooting arrows at Aragog. He learned from the master huntsman many years ago that you should always try to take out the Dragons eye site first. He started shooting what remaining arrows he had left at the dragon’s eyes. He was successful, that’s when he ran up the tail of Aragog. He then got on the head of the dragon and took each eye out one by one. All of the orcs yelled when they saw the gallons of blood pour out where the dragon’s eyes were supposed to be. The orc leader then yelled for reinforcements. All of the sudden two guard patrols entered the arena. That’s when the man shouted out a chant and caused half of the guards to catch fire. He then took his blade and started slashing through the rest of the waves of the orcs that were sent at him. When he saw the dragon start to move again he thought of a plan. He then got back on the dragon and pulled him by the horns and caused the dragon to start to breathe fire. That’s when he chanted to the dragon and gained control over him. The dragon and he then shot up out of the cavern and were surprised with a big burst of light. The man was deciding to either let the dragon live or die, that’s when the dragon spoke and said he knows what the man is looking for…. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Choot 'em Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 Not too bad John, has potential. Need to spell check though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGruntMeister Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 its a good book i might buy if it gets to b a novel but when i got to the part with da dragon i read aragog over and over and tried to remember wher i heard it before then i remembered Harry Potter so u might get in trouble for using the name but i dont know much bout legal crap soooo idk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archon Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 Hey guys, I am currently in the process of writing a beginning to what could likely become my first novel. Before I take it to that phase, I would like you all to read what I have so far. So without further ado, The Hero: He came riding up on his Stallion from the back with an army of orcs chasing quickly behind him. He was almost up the mountain where the gates of Heaven sat. All of the sudden he felt a flaming pain from his right shoulder. He started to give out and slowly his eyes went into darkness. He then saw a memory play out; he was in the castle garden of the kingdom Penance. He saw a woman under an archway; she was wearing a jewel encrusted dress. The it phased out into a Ballroom where there was a jolly party happening. There were people singing, dancing, and doing many other types of entertainment. That’s is when it all happened, the Shadow Lords came bursting through the main entrance. The Shadow Lords with their infantry start yelling curses on the Kingdom and then started to kill the towns people. That is when a mysterious man came up and started to defend the Princess but, he was unsuccessful. They started to slowly start carrying her out of the ballroom but, that’s when the mysterious man ran up behind them and was able to grab the Princesses necklace. Back awake after being shot by an arrow if not multiple, the man woke up bound in chains. He seemed to be in an underground cavern. He started to gain back all of his senses but that is when he says to big eyes appear out of the darkness that sat before him. He heard from what seemed to be the leader of this colony of orcs shouts that he was to face this bloody dragon or die trying. They threw down the man’s weapons he had been carrying with him. His site suddenly became less blurry and he got a direct view of the dragon. It was one of the most powerful dragons throughout the land, the dragons name was Aragog. That was when the man jumped feet first into Hell. He grabbed his sword, two daggers, and a bow arrow with the rest of his quill. He held the arrow in his hand and then started shooting arrows at Aragog. He learned from the master huntsman many years ago that you should always try to take out the Dragons eye site first. He started shooting what remaining arrows he had left at the dragon’s eyes. He was successful, that’s when he ran up the tail of Aragog. He then got on the head of the dragon and took each eye out one by one. All of the orcs yelled when they saw the gallons of blood pour out where the dragon’s eyes were supposed to be. The orc leader then yelled for reinforcements. All of the sudden two guard patrols entered the arena. That’s when the man shouted out a chant and caused half of the guards to catch fire. He then took his blade and started slashing through the rest of the waves of the orcs that were sent at him. When he saw the dragon start to move again he thought of a plan. He then got back on the dragon and pulled him by the horns and caused the dragon to start to breathe fire. That’s when he chanted to the dragon and gained control over him. The dragon and he then shot up out of the cavern and were surprised with a big burst of light. The man was deciding to either let the dragon live or die, that’s when the dragon spoke and said he knows what the man is looking for…. Needs some more detail and you have to space out and start new paragraphs. Try giving us Scenery. How does he know the Dragon's name? You do need to fix some of your words however. When did you start writing? Heres a sample of me editing it...... Hey guys, I am currently in the process of writing a beginning to what could likely become my first novel. Before I take it to that phase, I would like you all to read what I have so far. So without further ado, The Hero: He came riding up on his Stallion from the back with an large and extremely aggressive army of orcs chasing quickly behind him, their legs were powerful, allowing them to keep up with something like a horse - yet they still weren't fast enough. He was almost up the mountain where the glorious golden gates of Heaven sat - A beautiful sight it was indeed. Suddenly, with absolutely no warning The Hero felt a extraordinary pain originating from the inside of his right shoulder. His vision began to fade, and his strength started to leave his body ever-slowly his eyes closed and he fell to the absolute nothingness - Had he finally passed into the empty void? Memories of past flowed gently through his mind; He was in the Beautiful castle-garden of the Kingdom Penance and he saw a woman under an archway; she was wearing a jewel encrusted dress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Muffins 7 Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 liked, to be honest wouldn't read the book but then again i never read books Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vore Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 I usually don't read long a** posts like this. But I actually got caught up in it and read the whole thing lol. Good job, I like it Super John. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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